chapter 14

I hopped into the car and went over to his house. He was packing up and so he finished up what he was doing and we went out to lunch. He told me he had a surprise for me. After lunch we went to our spot. He told me it was our final time seeing each other because his family was coming down before he left for the MTC. It brought tears to my eyes. I wouldn't see him for 2-3 years. I would be 21, then if I went on a mission. Well we would just have to see where my life takes me.
“I have a seed for you. Every year it will bloom and remind you of my love for you. It is your favorite flower, a daisy, and it is white, reminding us that we must be pure and stay focused on what our goals and dreams are for our life to come. Every time you take care of it hopefully you can feel my love for you grow in it's roots with you. If you will wait for me I will marry you when I get back. I absolutely love you and can't wait until I get back. I know that this is a mission I have to do though and it will make us a stronger family if I do this.”
“I also have a present for you and I hope you could carry this around with you. It's the size of a business card.”
It was a laminated card that was in a deep red saying 'I'll be loving you, always'.
He took me out to dinner then one last drive and upon request from me, back to our waterfall. We watched the stars for awhile and when it was time for us to leave, he gave me my first kiss. One that I would hold onto until he came back.

Chapter 13

The next week was the funeral. The girls didn't look very pretty because it had been about 3 weeks since they had passed away but I kissed them and loved them and told everyone they were beautiful anyways. It's going to be really hard for me to not want to hold them in my arms. My mom was thankfully able to make it. The funeral was beautiful. I gave a talk on both of them and growing up with them and then my grandparents each talked. All of the children from Anna and McKenzie's classes came up and sang a sweet song about how we will remember them always and they will be in our heart. After that we had to say the final goodbye's and we took them to their burial sites. It was a really rough day but it was absolutely beautiful and I'm glad we were able to do that.
The next day was my mom's evaluation. Paige came with me to find out why my mom has been there so long.
“Well, we have been doing multiple cat scans and blood tests and we have found that she has cancer. We have a couple of options. We can start radiation and then move on to chemotherapy or we can do nothing and see if it goes away or let her pass away,” the doctor said.
“Well you just asked me the stupidest question. Of course we are going to go through with radiation and chemo...let's start tomorrow! Right now if we have to. I want to get my mom better!” I said probably too loudly.
“Well it's probably going to take a couple of months to get her in to the program. Would you like her to stay here in the hospital or go home?”
“OF COURSE I'M GOING TO HAVE HER COME HOME! AND WHY CAN'T SHE JUST START NOW I DON'T GET IT!”
“Calm down. Your mother is in the next room you can go get her and she can go home right now. I understand you are upset but there isn't really anything I can do to change this right now. I hope you have the best of times and your mother knows she has cancer. If you need anything I have an email address you can email me at and I will answer you as soon as possible. Good luck.”Walking out with my mother was refreshing and that night I tucked her in just like she used to do to me. She was really weak and frail looking. I really didn't like that. Jake stopped by and Paige, Jake, and I watched a Christmas show over some hot chocolate, even though it was July. It was a blast and at 1 o'clock they left and I went to bed and woke up to Emily screaming only 45 minutes later. She was having terrible flashbacks and I didn't know what I could do to help her. It hurt me to have to see her like that. She slept with me and we woke up at 7 to surprise our mom with some pancakes in bed and a warm bubble bath. Luckily, with that nice comfortable bed and warm house and a long nights sleep, she was able to get enough strength to walk around the house. With all this stress I forgot that there was only one week until Jake was leaving. SHOOT!

...

The next couple of days I slept. I couldn't handle this stress and the only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that my mom and sister really needed me right now.
When I was released I stayed in Paige's guest house. My mom was still in the hospital. I started to really worry about her but the doctors said she was okay. Emily started going to preschool and I started spending a lot more time with Jake.
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I was sitting on my bed not knowing what in the heck I was going to wear. It was the first personal date I was going to go on with Jake and I wanted to look fabulous. I went with a cap sleeve red shirt and a pair of dark wash pants and some black flip flops (okay the shoes, tacky, but they are comfortable). At 5:30 like promised he came and picked me up and we went up to the waterfall, where one of our first dates were. That was our place. He had made us some sandwiches and a couple of brownies.
“I really want you to know how much I love you and I'm so glad that I made that first move. I didn't think we would make it this long but I'm really glad we have. I have a confession to make. I just started dating you to get to Paige. I know that was really shallow of me but after that first date I knew we were meant to stay together. Please don't leave me because I've just told you this. I just don't want any secrets between us. I love you Paige and I want you to be happy.” Jake told me.
“I would never leave you and I'm happy to hear that there is no secrets between us now”. I responded.
“Well then I would like to tell you something. I have been excepted into Harvard after I go to my mission. I'm leaving in 3 months. I promise that I will continue loving you if you could just keep doing that for me. I don't care if you date while I'm gone just as long as you come back to me and always write me. I'm absolutely in love with you and don't want anything to come between us. I'm going to England.”
“I'll be loving you always,” I responded.

Chapter 12 1/2

This was too much to handle. I ran up to my little Rachel's room. Even though I haven't told about her much she was like my second Paige. I talked to her about EVERYTHING. She was my little guiding star with her bright and shining example. The doctor's told me I couldn't go in but I didn't listen. I pushed my way in and surprisingly I got passed them. Must be the adrenaline. Rachel was pale and I could tell she was slipping. I looked at her and told her I loved her and she said “I love you too” in her weak little voice. The doctors came in and said that I really needed to go get myself cleaned up but I wouldn't leave her side. At 2 in the morning she passed away. I finally let the doctors take me in and I found out I had broken my nose, cracked my skull, and had a broken ankle. I just wasn't able to feel anything because some of my nerves were damaged. I was unconscious for two days. When I woke up I found out that Mackenzie had passed away also. Her body wasn't able to handle the pain. Emily had internal bleeding and would have to be at the hospital for awhile. And Paige was with me the entire time. Nobody had any news on my mother. They wouldn't say.
Two weeks into my recovery and Jake came to check on me. He had been in New York on a business trip with his dad and he flew home as soon as he heard. They moved all of us girls, well what's left of us, into one room. Except for my mom. She had to stay in a different unit.
It was just Emily and me now. Our family would never be the same and I knew it was going to be tough times ahead of us.